Stuff You(yes I mean you, not them)Should Know

(REMEMBER, ASK YOUR PARENTS BEFORE READING THIS POST, IF YOUR THAT MUCH OF A BABY)

Well, I've done some extensive research over the span of my lifetime. I did an hours worth when I was 7 and an hours worth yesterday.(hoorah)

Well, Here's stuff you should know.

First of all, I've discovered that when in school it's usually not okay to lick other peoples pencils. A shocking revelation, I know, but I feel that with time and overpriced therapy we can all begin to accept it.

Second of all,(as fun as it sounds) IT'S NOT OKAY TO KICK OLD LADY'S. You all must be suffering from palpitations of the heart, but it is something everyone must know. Please feel free to stop reading this post if the information is too much for you to handle.

Third of all, shouting "WEEEEE OOOOOOOOH! WEEEEE OOOOOOOOH!" Is FREAKING annoying. This revelation is has taking me the longest to discover. Remember I am doing this for the sake of mankind. But mostly for you, the reader, because we all can't be like 99.9% of the population.

IMPORTANT TIPS:

1. Chimps will not discover the cure for cancer

2. AIN'T, contrary to popular belief, is in fact the password to the lost city of Atlantis. Now all you have to do is find the lost city of Atlantis.

3. No, the lost city of Atlantis is not in your toilet.

4. The number four is not the number five

5. The number five is not the number four

6. When making peace between waring countries, DO NOT give up you biggest booger as a peace offering.

7. The song ring around the Rosy is a mind control tool.

8. If you become president(which I'm sure you will be ) do not say "foreign countries have taken over and there is no hope left for America! Run for your lives!" when adressing the nation, and then say it was all a joke.

END OF IMPORTANT TIPS:

1. That is the end of Important tips.

AHEM! DON'T THINK I'M FINISHED. You all are still very unaware of a few CRUCIAL DETAILS that I have yet to tell you about.

STOP SAYING "THAT SUCKS" because that raises a few questions.

1. What is it sucking?

2. Why is it sucking it?

3. I'm not sure I want to know what it is sucking. (technically that's not a question, but let's say it is. Don't worry the Proper English police will not come for you in cars with blaring sirens. They send tanks.)

WHY SHOULD YOU KNOW THESE THINGS?

Because I said so.

Because I said so.

And oh yeah, BECAUSE I SAID SO. TIMES INFINITY. PLUS FIVE.

My life's work has gone into giving you this precious information. Use it well.

BUT WAIT, THERES MORE! FOR A LIMITED TIME OFFER YOU CAN GET A FREE CAN OF CHEF BOYARDEE FOR RESPONDING TO THIS POST.

FINALLY, AN ANCIENT ILLNESS, AVAILABLE IN A CAN!

(chef boyardee is not responsible for UNIMAGINABLEY SLOW AND AGONIZING DEATHS caused by eating our product)

Well that's really all I have to say.

Besides this:

Doing the exact opposite of what your mother tells you is not really a good idea. but you can dream, can't you?

Also, making fun of retarded people is retarded.

If you get shot in the brain repeatedly your PROBABLY GONNA DIE VERY SOON.

When my baby cousin is 100 years old I will probably be dead.

Smelling other people's feet is not against the law, although it IS wierd as hell.

GIRLS DO FART! I'M TELLING YOU THEY DO!

Give the rabbit some trix. He has been practicing karate.

OK I AM DONE.

You must be armed with sufficient knowledge to take on the world now, right?

NO?

DID YOU SAY NO?

don't sleep tonight